Back to the Simple Life

We moved back to Oklahoma and I attempted to reconnect in person with my now constant pocket friend (who was no longer long distance). We did some archery lessons together, but physical activities were so rough on me, my shoulders were dead for days, it was hard to feel up to it again. She tried hard to pull us into her little community of friends, but it was difficult for both me and my husband at that time as we were suddenly thrown into figuring out a brand new life path. With my husband not working, I spent less time reaching out to her, and she got a boyfriend and went quiet on me too. I really miss her so much but have no way to contact her. We only spoke through Facebook Messenger, and I have long since deleted that platform from my life. We were both so introverted yet also extroverted in exactly the same ways. Being her friend was one of the times I didn’t feel bad for enjoying childish things or unmasking my daily obsessions and ramblings. I was only just starting to understand what autism was and how it might present differently in women, but that was the first time I saw myself in another person and recognized how I edited myself around others so heavily. I would like to day say im a mysterious person by nature and breaking my walls down to my true core is difficult to discover, but honestly? All it takes is letting out your own authentic self around me to break my walls down instantly.

Life suddenly slowed down and became simple. There were new stressors and triggers now, but at least they were mostly scheduled and routine. We were able to cook what we wanted and spend time learning new life skills, finally. We moved in with my Mother and were able to send our son off to the best school in the area due to her address being in district. Rayne had an incredible teacher and the best principal a kid could ask for. She let him just lay down by her desk on the floor to do all of his work next to her so he could ask all his questions as much as he wanted without disrupting the class. They paired him up with a brilliant speech-language pathologist, and she was the biggest boost to his abilities during all his years at this elementary school.

We were able to take our new food talents over to our best friend's house, with their now three-month-old, and help by cooking dinners multiple times a week. It felt so good to make up for all the lost time while also feeling needed, cared for, and wanted. Friendship and that deep level of camaraderie is absolutely the “home” feeling that was missing in Florida. We felt so relieved to be on our new path while equally nervous for the unknown that was looming ever ahead.

We started the tedious task of job hunting. By November, I found a listing for Petco and went for an interview. They called me back an hour later and told me I was hired. They also mentioned my first day would be one day before Black Friday. I went in that first day and was taught the very basics of the register and told that this is where I would probably be for a while… They also warned me that it’s the bottom of the totem pole and no one helps on the register. Greeeeeeat. The next day was hell on earth. For anyone who has worked retail on Black Friday, I FEEL YOUR PAIN! I went home very sick and for the next six weeks was in constant extreme stomach pain from the stress of such a fast-paced, zero-training job. My appetite was reduced and I was always painfully nauseous. Plus, I had to learn how to speak to people all the time and constantly diffuse angry situations. I did learn these skills, but my people-pleasing qualities overruled and caused everyone to walk all over me all the time. I took stomach meds three times a day and ate mainly rice and bananas. We still got to see our friends a few times a week and now my pockets are also full of puppy treats for their super sweet canine buddies too.

Some time went by and we were told of a rental house my Mom owns that was suddenly vacant. We really wanted to get about six solid months of working under our belts and then start looking for a house to buy, so the rental house seemed perfect. It took a bit longer than expected to get it cleaned out and fixed up. The lady had wrecked the house. Her dogs had chewed holes through walls and covered the entire house in feces. The floor was barely salvageable and definitely cannot be resurfaced ever again, as it's way too thin and warped now. This house is also about 100 years old and in need of more than a small facelift, sadly. My mom and her brother worked tirelessly for months to get it back in livable conditions again, mainly fighting with the floor. It definitely still had a bit of a smell, but nowhere near toxic levels anymore. Plus, we could finally get our stuff out of storage and unpack after the move back from Florida, as well as some things that had been stored with my mom since BEFORE we moved to Florida. It was so. much. work. Lots of things we hadn’t seen in a long while, but also so many memories and keepsakes as well that we finally got to see again. I was able to decorate and use all my own things again. We bought a couch and some more furniture and it felt like it could be a home. My husband went back to the Domino's he had left before we moved to Florida, and they gave him his job back that same day.  This time he worked day shifts only to hopefully avoid any more being held at gunpoint scenarios. So… we now both had jobs and could cover all bills and life expenses. Very little in savings still, but we planned on using an FHA loan and first-time homebuyer deals to get us through as easily as possible. For some reason...we just… didn’t...