Once in the room, the nurse was already pissed at me for not being the correct “Rebecca” she wanted and tried to make light of the whole name mix-up by saying, “Har Har Har, that's why we take pictures of you and attach them to all your files!!” … But I looked nothing like the young teen and our birth dates are also directly on the top of every chart as well… Then she proceeded to tell me it was just badly sprained because of how recently I hurt it and it had no visible swelling or bruises yet. I told her I couldn’t put any weight on it at all and pushed her that the extreme pain and the “pop” made me more concerned. She sent me for an X-ray and I was wheeled away for imaging only after the radiologist came to get me, and I only made it a few feet within the first few minutes. He was so confused why the nurse hadn’t left a wheelchair for me in the first place… After the X-ray, a doctor came in and said they didn’t see anything on the X-ray so it’s not broken and I just have a bad sprain. He said he would give me a boot and some crutches and to follow up with my regular orthopedic surgeon in a week. The boot he brought in was so tall and major overkill. It basically went up to my knee! Plus, it also weighed like 7 lbs and every step with it even raised shook my whole foot and caused insane pain with each extreme jolt. By the time I made it down the hallway and out to meet my mom with my car, I had to tear it off because it was causing more pain than before.
When I got home I iced it and kept it elevated and unwrapped because the pressure seemed to be horrible and, with the adrenaline starting to wear off, I was feeling the extreme truth of the pain and damage for the first time. My mom got me all set up and headed home. I don't remember much of that night as dissociation is my go-to for dealing with any extreme stress, including pain. I remember my husband had to work a closing shift so at some point after my mom left, my dad came over. I know Princess got to bed somehow (either my mom or dad) and Rayne managed to feed himself, but I’m foggy on those timelines and details.
That night with my dad I couldn’t contain the pain further. It hit me at a full force of a hundred raging bulls. The adrenaline was trickling out fully, leaving me to bottom out, making me giggle and laugh at random things because I was way way past the point of crying. I try to be tough in front of others and the thing I remember most is my walls were 100% broken down and I couldn't fake being okay. My dad saw me at my lowest low that night and I wish that on no one, especially when you don’t know what to do to help. My dad is the coolest headed person in the entire universe and in this moment he was calm and collected 110% even. After testing and observing, studying and monitoring, he asked if he could test placing athletic tape in certain areas to give what seemed to be the most sensitive spot support, and hopefully relief. He went shopping for supplies and came back with lots of tape and bandage options. He found a more padded medical tape at Walmart and used that to wrap around the back of my heel first. I instantly felt like the weight of an elephant had been lifted off of me, and knew we were on the right path!
My dad seemed shocked yet very happy with how instantly his medical diagnosis and hypothesis was proven correct and we began to cover my foot in supportive tape along the most painful areas. The relief was massive and I was able to finally start to relax. I knew returning back to the hospital was not going to get me anywhere since nothing showed up on the X-ray and there was only the tiniest of bruises even visible now. I was so scared of being in blinding pain all evening and I was so very thankful to be handed even the tiniest of relief. My husband came home and my dad handed me off into his care. I was finally able to eat dinner and pass out for some sleep.
The next morning the swelling and bruising were about the same yet I still could place zero weight on it at all. That next day also happened to be my husband’s and my 16th anniversary where I had the evening planned for an escape room and romantic dinner and woke up crushed with the feeling that it was all to be ruined…
My mom brought over a wheelchair that was very old but working and Jacob was determined to just modify my plans enough to be able to still feel like it was a special time. We chose an escape room that was in town instead of 45 minutes away, and just a bit lower quality. We also pivoted to a favorite chain of ours, Outback Steakhouse, for dinner instead. The pain was only absolutely excruciating if I attempted to put any weight on it at all so a wheelchair seemed doable for a short adventure.
The escape room might have been smaller and less detailed than our typical rooms, but it was still super fun. The theme was Jumanji and it had juuuuuust enough room inside for me to be able to wheel around inside and turn around fully without taking up all the space. We got so close to beating it but the problem was there was a clue under a vase on the ground we didn’t notice. I had poked the vase a few times with my toe to get a few better looks at it, but didn’t want to knock it over or break it trying to pick it up. At one point I did reach down and almost lost my balance and fell out of the wheelchair but thankfully corrected it just in time!
This place gave timed clues so we couldn’t ask when we were so close to the end but stuck. So we just had to wait and the clue screen finally provided a hint that helped us on our way and beat it at the very last second! Jumanji is such a classic that the whole adventure was a blast in itself, but being able to win even at a disadvantage, was very exciting! The wheelchair was semi-rusted and extremely heavy, but I was beyond thankful for its ability to allow me to do something I couldn't have done without it.
After a week post-injury I was able to get in to see my regular orthopedic surgeon. At any injury appointment they are going to take updated X-rays to see if there is any further signs of healing to locate possible tiny fractures or injuries not previously caught. Once wheeled into the X-ray room I was both shocked, and further embarrassed, because the X-ray tech who had done my foot at the emergency clinic was now on rotation at THIS clinic today. Making this the third time I had actually run into him in a 30-day period at 3 different locations. It was so awkward because while I am typically the most perfect patient on the planet, I am also an anomaly with my more rare disorder. So deep in my beyond-embarrassed brain I could basically feel the thoughts of judging how weird and strange my body must be to live in.
https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/ehlers-danlos-syndrome/
The whole injury and treatment was so very humbling and one of the most publicly embarrassing things I’ve had to painfully (both physically and mentally) push through. Something I’ve learned from being in pain so much for so many years, is that pain is a mental battle as much as it is a physical one.
"The Story of Us"
Acrylic on Canvas painting done by me as a 16th anniversary gift to my husband
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment